" Wot shud i do " is wot i end up asking myself these days. Its like being awake but yet hoping that u r still asleep. Things in my life have taken such an unexpected turn that i don't know where to head from here on!!!!

I am in a constant fight with myself about deciding the concourse of my life...there's a certain part of me that still yearns to learn than think of climbing the work ladder. In fact i m more comfortable in my skin thinking that i am in position where i can learn more and teach more as i m not interested in the pay scale fight.
It seems jibber jabber to me also.... but i really feel empowerd as i have more knowledge and sharpened skills at my disposable, that i can turn impossible into possible.....atleast in my work area....i m comfortable moving at a slow pace while learning at the same time than jumping thru stuff to get on the top.

bleeding

my life has suddenly become everything that i nevr wanted it to be. its becoe this pile of garbage that i can nevr sort out or rather i dnt want to sort out for the fear of losing my identity.

my boyfriend of three yrs has just come down frm australia after one and a half years ......and it tookm me just ten days to realize tht i had been a fool all alongthat i was hoping against hope for something that dosent even exist not even in the imaginary world.

all this time whenevr i was in relationshp it was always a no strings attached kinda deal bt this one time i decided to let go of myself n fall in love ....i did fall...i fell on my face....for being stupid and remarkably dumb..i thot that love existed, tht it really turns the world around, that it changes bt i was so wrong......i gave this relationship all that i cud..time, patience(an unknown virtue in my character), understanding and care and lots of everything else bt i was nevr prepared for wot has happened to me in the last 10 days......i ve cried, brokn down and shattered to the extent of losing it all. this was one time wen i actually wanted it to happen and stay till eternity, i wanted to be a part of someone's life bt it was not to be.....worst of all thers no one i can reach out to for all of them think that i can steer me out of this...wen the whole bloody problem i dnt have a clue wot to do.......i do feel as if i hav lost my reasn to BE, to exist....

i want to take it out all on him bt i kno he dosent understand....he wud nevr understand...........he just dosent seem to grasp the fact that there are times wen even i feel a need for his time and attention, tht i cannnot always be understanding, dat its normal to be selfish once in a while.....that i m not just there to understand and let it all happen to me.....dat i too hold some importance in his life, which i have earned, which i deserve.