Heres the thing

i believe i m totally screwd up these days!!!! n i have realised i just feel depressed with one or two spurts of joy here n there....but the life as such remains stagnant!!!
i kno colors, waves, emotions and words, but they all seem to be flying away from me.....its not that easy to live with......i havent painted in years, read a book in months, weny out wid frens, had a cup of coffee, spilled a cup of coffee....
its not right , i kno , i cant decide that but wots the harm in trying???
i wish i cud !!!!

tough times

i hate bng in love with u , i hate everything about bng in love with u..... u kno wid the amount of trust n love i feel for u, its supposed to be easy n nice but its not!!!
i feel like killing myself sometimes becoz thats hw i might stop loving u.
its tough to deal with both emotions at the same place n time.......its not possible for me.....its not suppossed to be happening with me.....
i have done nthng to hurt u, or trouble u, n u dnt realize anything....
i cant move out either......all the elders from ur family pull me in while the oders just ignore me, u included. i can only try till a point.

Clouds of undefined emotions

i dnt really know how to put wotever i m feeling into words !!! my feelings have stopped making any sense wotsoever. i m trying to be all strong n controlled but i m like a thread away from falling apart.....totally.

Everything i do, everything i like , everything i desire seems meaningless, unwanted, stupid!

i have this surge of emotions waiting to burst out, only waiting for a suitable vent!!!

I dnt kno wen life became so complicated.... i dnt kno wen walls were made where there was no land only water of love.... i m not god, i m not a superhuman, i m a mere girl with high hopes, undaunting love n loads n loads of questions??? i dnt have a glossary to life but i m still looking for answers, i m still sitting for the exam!!!

All i want is ur trust in me, ur word thats it alrite if i m not perfect, that i can be wrong n stupid too!!! it only makes me human !!!

away

I dont know why i feel like this...Its almost like i follow sorrow around sometimes....or is it sorrow following me around!!!!
i have a loving family, a nauseatingly sweet brother, cutest boyfriend, bunch of wonderfully sweet friends n an exciting new family... i got it all but i am still LOST.

La La La

an interesting turn of events and life takes a 180 degree swerve!!!!!

Its as if nothing was wrong ever, nothing never left its place, nothing went missing, no time lost n no feelings hurt. I feel 16 again. Its a first love rush all over again. n so much love that i cant contain. i need sheets of paper n stacks of postcards n stupid face book to spill it all out but just never goes down!!!!

its all pink n red n clouds n roses n candy n chocolates!!! everything makes sense n nothings wrong. I don't feel ugly or fat or daft or crazy anymore!!! i m the princess of my fairytale, i m the Movie star of my own Romantic movie, n it doesn't sound mental at all.

i love all that i m feeling right now. its immense n beautiful n never ending. its like summer vacations, n like rain on a hot day, n like standing under a waterfall. its like nothing i know n yet i try n compare!!!

My life seems complete. I used to think u need a career n a good mound of money n a big house n a bigger car to feel right......but all i need is Him n everything else would just fall n place. it has to, because we deserve it!!!!

Theories i m building up lately:

there is this intersting bunch of men, men i wud never have thot i cud get are suddenly available everywhere. n they are not looking for commitments n yet they are nice n gentlemanly n the works!!! i mean i m not nicey nice but a lil fooling around cudnt hurt n i just kinda hit the jackpot!!!!
BULLSHIT

i love me!!! need i say more!!!!

Wish Me Luck

Since the last time i wrote, i have picked upa new job, left an old boyfriend, discarded a fugly friend and picked up some yummy food for thought!!!!
I love this state of wotever it is.....its freeing n binding n comfortable.... I feel so powerful n in control n on the verge of losing control!!!! All at the same time...... ts like i have time on my side again, my story in front of me though unwritten but still my story!!!
Its so freaky that all that i yearned for in terms of personal fulfillment, i have found all together in these two months.....I have been appreciated n accepted n i like it.
There are still some questions unanswered , some voids still open...but for now i m enjoying this warmest of my winters so far!!!
Wish me luck!!!