Why?????

Why is that wen u do somethin right everyone around u is responsible for it ,and wen u ruin something its only you who's the culprit????

Why you wish dat people dont judge you all the time wen u cant be non-judgemental about people around you ?

Why do we need layers of emotions, characters to pursue a realtionship as simple as friendship, just to complicate it?

Why friends are not as transparent about feelings towards you, as much they are supposed to be? should they fear you?

Why??????

just like that

theres a whole lot happening in my life without anybody actually doing anything...its a series of things happening all around me....but,surprisingly, i m not worried. i have given into the fact that u can only control yourself and nothing else..all other coordinates of the life u live are not under your control.....that includes people...events....emotions...

i used to fight all that, all those things that were happening around me, things i didnt want to exist....but i realized all of it was because i craved for my space, my sphere of reason....and then i realised dat my space dosent need nods and comments from others but only my creation, my satisfaction........fulfillness of achieving something that i longed for. i need acceptance, not from others but myself. And now, i m working on it!!!!!

Misunderstood Forgetness

golden old days....are old days actually golden......well a part of them are gold but there are some tarnished moments as well. And the ghosts of these tarnished times never leave me alone.....its as if they are hanging around me all the time in the wait of another dark moment that will hang around my neck my whole life.

No matter how much i try to forget them, shove them under my bed, they still lurk around and all i do is wait..i just wait for one of them to ruin whatever i have in my hand and cant help it at all.

Though i never look insecure or scared of situations , i end up fighting my demons all on my own......even if i try to open up, let somebody kno about them, nobody is ready to believe that i can doubt my strenght, that there is something that i cant fight .

But its true..its a reality.......i am scared of thiings that happened in my past and i am scared of thinkin about my tomorrow.....how w ould it go...would it be fine....and end in a good night's sleep!!!!

walking on

i was just going thru some of my college friends' profiles and also some not so good friends' profiles as well...........and i realised that everyone has held onto the college life in some fashion or other.........they hav pictures, testimonials, stuff that seems to connect them back to those friends......I, on the other hand, have moved on ....i have moved away from all of this......and its always been like that with me.......i can never hold onto people because i never get dependent on them......i am friends to a lot of people but there is not a single friend of mine......



I've still not found a person to whom i can pour out my deepest dark secrets, my pain , my sins and myself.......why is that i am such a complex person......i hardly kno how to maintain contacts.....really bad at calling up people.......wot i can express thru written language i can never do with the spoken language....and this is one shortcoming of mine i guess......

The thing is that i dont wanna do anything about it ... i mean i am perfectly fine with moving on and not clawing the past........the question is, is it bad...is it something that shud'nt be..... i mean is it bad if i have no info about wots happenin in other ppl's life......am i minding too much of my own business????????

i've never been interested in things about my friends life....until unless they want me to be involved.....i guess this is because i dont want people to scrape off my life from me.....i respect my privacy and others as well ...and thats why i keep myself away from others......

WASSUP?????

Finally left my job to pursue a seemingly more useful and productive ambition........Yeah! Yeah ....i am gonna go for the MBA!!!!!

seems big to others but to me its just another thing that i m doing for my parents and for my life ahead......why is that for a good life with no tensions u have to let go of things that u really dig... i mean i really didnt want to leave my job but i had to because i dont wanna live in misery......and thats true!!!!!!! Girls from my kinda bG are stuck between the dream of having fun and the reality of being successful and both things cant go hand in hand....Can they??????

i kno i m gonna get married one day and my husband can get me all i want but why cant be the other way round........why shud'nt I fend his dreams...his wants and his desires.......Come to think of it...we all kno guys get to hav so much fun but on the other hand they spend their whole life being responsible for ma and pa and then for wifey dear and then kids and then it ends.......and this is true..........its true for an average guy coming from an average family.......We girls hav it easy somehow......family is there to protect us.....evenif u dont study and make it big , papa dear will find u a rich hubby..........and so all of it is taken care of!!!!!!!

Wen i am married i am gonna give my sweety,one whole year of vacation to enjoy 365 days of bliss...... visiting places we both wanna go to.......let him sit back and relax and enjoy one year without thinking about work and bills and things!!!!

Thats wot i am gonna do..............................and thats why i wanna earn real good and real fast and for that i have to study more and Grab that golden oppurtunity hanging somewhere there!!!!!!!

Rockstar

yeah..... thats how i feel today...looking back at wot i was and wot i am...i can say wid a sense of pride that i have crossed a long journey to the world where i am......

started my juvenile years as a nobody but now i am the someone everyone wants to know....learn from and hang out with....and i am not being bratty about it. i really love and respect everybody' s feelings for me which i know are nowhere fake or psuedo.......

i love god for letting me be a part to the stories of life of these wonderful people........Each one of them has shown care and understanding for my being and have stood by me for good .....

i kno that u kno that i am talking about you.....and believe me i am talking about you........

and i wud always be thankful to u to lemme be me forever...........and making me the

ROCKSTAR!!!!!!

Shades of Light

i think i am a smart woman and i do know lots of things but still with every new day i discover something thats new and interesting and defnitely challenging.Being aristiaclly declined towards everything i am always involved in adding a new dimension to my skills ,not just sharpening them but enhancing them to produce objects that dazzle those who see them and are a treasure to ppl who eventually get to own them......i want them to bre proud of it and obviously possessive about them!!!!!

i paint, sketch, shade...i craft out images with toilet paper, newspapers, dried flowers, wedding cards....whatever i can lay my hands on and i try turn them into piece of art mostly kitsch but simple in creation......colors are spread over my mind.....filling up every vacant, blank spot and pulling out a landscape ornated with hills, river, clouds and flowers.........i am he person who found a canvas on her cellphone body!!!!!!

Colors can add definition, meaning and worth to a piece of paper so u can just imagine wot they can do to ur life......and its just not the paints or crayons but also the colors yur mind weaves with words...Think of love and u see reds and pinks, think of night and u have blues and blacks, think of yourself and u will see this pallete of amazing colors.....

SEE FOR URSELF: i m giving a list of things and chk whether u register a color for it or not

pencil
scooter
room
fan
nail polish
windows xp
ipod
orkut
rain
hate
fun
age

Memories

Four years back , when i had got thru my college which was in Mumbai....away from home....i had sat down thinking that it would take an eternity for those three years to pass thru. New city, new phase of life made everything look so exciting but difficult at same time...Being a home bred , pampered child at home i had never imagined that with one fine stroke of destiny i would be moving away from home....to be on my own...where i would have to think of myself as a lone entity and not a part of family.......

Going away to a city like Mumbai had its own fun....thinking that its not just another city but a world of its own.....I would sit down and jot down things i might encounter there....stupid notions about the life existing there......i had an image of a starry , neon lit city with ppl of incomparable fineness moving around....Celebrities, Business Moghuls used to fill up my imagery of the crowd living there.

Those three years have filled my life with stories, events and experiences of a lifetime. I discovered myself, my identity. Those wonderful years made me realize my qualities.....suddenly i was this person who was in the centre of everything be it bad or good, fun or fiasco.....i was finally living my life on my terms...making my own decisions and of course enjoying the good ones and repenting the bad ones.....

i realized that i needed ppl for my survival...ppl were the key ingredient of my survival....it is they who applauded at me, appreciated me, and i wud bathe in the glory......praises and compliments were the new high of my life.....they still are and i still hunt for them like a starving baby....

Living with fresh faces, unknown natures, never thot of personalities....the world was all topsy-turvy....from being the stupid first year to the desired for third year...i lived thru all kinds of personas in those three years......at the end of which i was glad to live thru them!!!!!

mind and soul

God !!!! i don't even how to begin....what to begin with......

i' ve become so confused and all thats happening in my life is so messed up....
Why cant things get arranged all by themselves...why i have to pick and sort out and mend everything that's not even touched by me....sitting here at my work desk i just look at myself in the mirror and see this DEATH OF A DREAM.....i see Death of me.....

i' ve lost all hopes to find somebody whom i can hold and cry whenever i want to....why is that my life is so full of secrets ....why is it so jumbled up and lost within itself...why i have so many Whys to ask myself.....and no answers anywhere?????

i need answers but i dont know whom to ask ...how to ask....all of this is just freaking me out....ppl come and go...some because they want to and some because they can't learn how to stay.......They are times when get down to blame myself for whatever done to my life but then someone from somewhere would come and tell me that i am dissillusioned...that whatever i've done was to happen and can never be classified as right or wrong...These few ppl who build this trust in me.....fly away to some other realm leaving one dimensional communication ........ i cant see what they feel about wot i think..... they cant reach out to me to console me when i am in tears.......they can't hold my hands and calm me down......

I kno its my life but i never wanted it to be so isolated that its left with only me and me and me and still more of me!!!!!